Etiquettes
Reflections | March 2021
One thing we observe about teachers is their immense resilience. They neither stop-start classes, nor do they cancel every other week. They fulfil what they had promised. They, too, have commitments; they, too, suffer from the occasional headache, cough or flu. Some actually suffer from chronic pain or illness (may Allāh preserve their health and protect them from harm!)... Shaykh Akram said once, "Everyone has problems in life.. You may think I don't have problems in my life, but I do, everyone does...."
However, they don't give up as easily as a student might. They don't cancel. They are willing to endure physical discomfort in order to carry on teaching.
When we, as students, notice this, it should inspire us to acquire some of this quality and inculcate it within ourselves, with Allāh's help and permission. We should ask ourselves what is driving the teacher to behave in this manner, and to persevere to this degree.
They are willing to endure some physical discomfort for the sake of Allāh. It is not something acquired overnight; rather, they have spent years building this quality within themselves. They have practiced.
Take Ramaḍān as an example. A few years ago, Ramaḍān in the UK was in the heat of the British summer. It can get uncomfortably warm and the majority of masājid, at that time at least, did not have air conditioning. The hours of fasting were lengthy in the summer days — around 19-20 hours. After a night of worship and a full day of work, teachers continue to teach classes right up until maghrib adhān, in a hot room, without water to quench their thirst.
Do we assume this is easy for them? Of course not. It is through practice and focus that they are able to achieve this, through Allāh's help. They have iḥtisāb — yearning and anticipating the reward for this action from Allāh alone.
It is their willingness to endure some physical discomfort that opens this path for them.
The question I ask myself is: Am I willing to do the same?
If we aspire for a certain quality, the only way to acquire it is to practice.
If you want to smile more, you start by smiling.
If you wish to become more generous, you start by giving. You learn to love by loving, to give by giving, to smile by smiling... The list continues.
Similarly, we will learn to endure by enduring, bi ithnillāh.
Let us start with something smaller to inculcate this quality within ourselves.
Take reciting to a teacher.
Reciting to a teacher is, more often than not, extremely nerve-wracking. However, it is a door that is wide open. It is an opportunity from Allāh. Recognising it as such is the first step to fulfilling what is required of us in those moments, instead of backing out. We recognise it for the blessing it is, and that makes it easier to endure some discomfort to attain it.
We will be willing to endure the discomfort when we recognise that this is an opportunity for khair, and that Allah will reward this action handsomely. It also requires humility, as a teacher will offer corrections and feedback out of their love and care for us. If our ego is in the way, we will be unable to take the benefit and will dislike being corrected.
ʿWe must link the action to the reward or virtue associated with it.ʾ
—Ustadha Abeer Sadary (www.QuranicReflections.com)
If a teacher is able to teach, consistently, without cancelling a single lesson, this is only from Allāh's mercy. If we, as students, are able to match that attendance record and benefit from each class, I cannot even imagine what barakah (blessing) would be in this. This is only possible through Allāh's mercy for us.
Unfortunately, many of us lack the proper etiquettes when it comes to attendance. The teachers are extremely humble and do not like to be harsh with us, unless they feel it is required.
We should remind ourselves of what is expected of us, what Allāh loves from us, and what He wants from us in these moments when we attend classes. I remind myself of the following.
Below is a list of some etiquettes we can all, bi ithnillāh, try to adhere to. We beg Allāh for His help in achieving this.
Only register for classes we are 100% serious about and committed to. This may mean we only commit to one or two classes at any one time.
Make the full, complete and resolute intention to attend every single class, wherever humanly possible, and to make great efforts to do so. For example, if one knows they are cooking dinner that day and it will clash with the class time, one should try to cook the day before or before the class time. Essentially, to make alternative arrangements.
Any absences should be limited and rare, and only under extreme circumstances beyond one's control. Apologies should be issued to the teacher and a reason for absence should be given. It is not enough to apologise without providing a reason. This is not part of the etiquette at all. We must recognise that being absent is a shortcoming. Some of us do not even apologise for this anymore. We have fallen so far from what is required. Some just say 'I can't make it' without apologising. One should show remorse and disappointment and explain how they will make up for their absence, e.g. watching the recording, completing homework.
Be on time for the class, or a few minutes early.
Revise notes from the previous class before attending the next one. For example, listen to the class recording through wireless headphones whilst doing chores, or play it in the car on the way to work.
The aim should be to arrive before the teacher, and to leave only after him/her. Greet the teacher with salaam when he/she is leaving. This still applies over Zoom. I view the ʿwaiting roomʾ as me standing outside the classroom, waiting for permission to enter. :) We should try to keep these etiquettes alive in whatever small ways we can, with the hope of seeking Allah's reward. I don't like to click ʿLeaveʾ until either the teacher leaves, or the host ends the meeting for everyone.
Greet the teacher with salaam when you join the class, either on mic or in the chatbox (whichever is more appropriate within the context of that particular class).
If the teacher requests students to put their cameras on, to try one's utmost to fulfil their request. If one does turn their camera on, one should ensure they are not fiddling with things, stretching, eating, or drinking.
Listen attentively during the class and respond to questions the teacher asks.
Minimise distractions around us during the class time.
Aim to fulfil small tasks for the teacher so that they do not have to. For example, someone asks the teacher for the meeting password, or to re-send an email they had previously sent. If we see something like this, we should jump to do it to save the teacher having to do so. These are small, admin-like tasks anyone could fulfil.
If one sees something they can do for their teacher, to do so, without waiting for permission. The teacher is very unlikely to ask the student for help. This is similar to parents doing everything themselves and not asking their children for help. The child learns to anticipate the parent's needs and wishes, and do things so they don't have to.
When the teacher ends the class, make du‘ā’ for him/her.
Fulfil any requests the teacher makes of us, for example to prepare some homework, or to quieten down and let others have an opportunity to answer questions.
Keep promises made to the teacher. For example, if the teacher asked you to read a ḥadīth or asked you to prepare something, and you agreed to it, it is like a promise. If, when the class comes around, the teacher forgets they had asked you and begins to look for someone else, speak up and volunteer yourself to fulfil that promise — only if the teacher wishes for you to go ahead, of course. Part of honouring our teachers is honouring their requests.
Be willing to endure some physical discomfort. For example, a class overruns and you miss your lunch break, or you end up leaving later than you thought and get stuck in rush hour. Or, more so, you wake up before dawn and travel to class only to find out it is cancelled. These are small things but one can easily become disgruntled. Take it lightly :)
We should avoid taking things personally. This is from shaytan and is only to dissuade us from this path. It is self-delusion.
There are also etiquettes to be practiced outside of the classes... We should be wary of burdening our teachers at the first turn and taking their time. Asking questions is a primary indicator of etiquette. My teacher mentioned that she will first expend all of her effort and energy to find an answer to a question she has. If after all her resources and ability is exhausted and she is still no closer to the answer, only then will she contact her teachers and ask her question. She explained it is important for a student to be independent and have the skills to research things by themselves first. This has benefits! She said even if you don't find the answer to your specific question, you come across so many other things on that topic that you would not otherwise have known. So, through the process, you not only got the answer (by asking the teacher in the end) but also learned many other things :)
"Be careful when you ask a question to an intelligent person, because that question says a lot about you."
A Mufti in the USA advising against asking many questions, and asking questions without researching it ourselves.
When classes were discontinued, one student was an example to us all. She said to the teacher, "I will use this time to reflect and implement what you have already taught me." This is exactly what is required of us.
Actions speak louder than words. It's the same with etiquette. There is a student who is very close to a Shaykh. He's never said outright, I really respect you and appreciate you.. He shows it through his actions by studying harder than anyone else, asking questions and then finally teaching it to others. Our teachers don't want words from us. Some of them even think it's something very odd to say, probably just because they find praise uncomfortable, but also because again, they just want to see action from the student, not words. There's one particular teacher I can't put my feelings into words for, because he'd simply despise it. I try to show what he means to me through my actions instead.. Asking others about his health, finding out where he's teaching and turning up, making sure he has everything he needs (in a way that he doesn't see my involvement).. That's love.
Note: This is far from an exhaustive list. There is an entire course entitled "Etiquettes of a Student" available on demand from Al-Salam Institute. It is a six hour course. Click here to access it.
What now follows is deeply personal to me. I share in the hopes it may inspire all of us to think well of our Lord, and ask Him with conviction.
We may ʿknowʾ that Allāh is the most Generous. But there are moments in life that bring that information to life.
There are facts, and then there are lived realities that fortify our hearts and strengthen it with faith.
I heard in a class, ʿWhen He gives, He gives without measure, without accountability. He is perfect in His giving and He loves to give. He gives you what is in your heart before you even ask.ʾ
In another class*, I heard, ʿAllāh will give you more than what you have asked forʾ and the teacher advised us to supplicate with conviction.
All of these are facts. We nod, write them down, and think that's it.
In order for this ʿilm to benefit us, we must internalise it. We should try to relate what we learn to moments in our everyday lives. We start by practicing in the little things, for example we practice being patient when someone offends us or somebody cuts us off on the road.
Opportunities for learning are one of the manifestations of Allāh's Giving. Firstly, not everyone has the opportunity, and those few who do, may not have the tawfīq (divine facilitation) to fulfil it. We truly depend on Him at every moment, and success is from Him alone. We yearn for Allāh's giving and I ask Him to increase us all!
I had been making duʿāʾ for several years to study with one particular teacher (for Qurʾān recitation). I'd ask people every year but the opportunity was not available.
In my duʿāʾ, I had only asked for myself to have the opportunity. In the specific wording, I had not mentioned anyone else.
Allāh opened the door not only for me, but for my students, family and community. For everyone around me. Not just for a one-off class, but for several months.
Only Allāh can do this. It was opened in the most beautiful way. In a way I couldn't even have imagined. His Giving is better than we can even comprehend.
Alḥamdulillāh.
I am sure we all have these moments. Classes like this hold immense personal value for me. It causes me to reflect on the etiquettes required, that I may avoid falling into easy traps that reduce the barakah of these opportunities.
ʿBlessings require gratitude.ʾ
—Ustadha Abeer Sadary (www.QuranicReflections.com)
I pray I am able to adhere to the above conditions, and more, in an attempt to be grateful for what has been given. We must hold ourselves to higher standards. However, it must be said that we must be gentle towards others and not hold the same expectations for them as we do for ourselves.
The best way to teach is to embody what you teach. People will learn by observing you. If you'd like your son to be charitable, give in charity. Your brother will become kinder if he observes your kindness. We focus our efforts on ourselves and do not point the finger at others.
We ask Allāh to grant us, and those around us, openings, and not remove blessings from us due to our shortcomings.
*Click below to watch the reminder.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJi2KxoXlTk
ASI Course Etiquettes of a Student
First class free below:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMtB-nXxO6M&t=2364s
A video I really liked RE etiquettes with a teacher: